Pejuang Impian: Teacher's Diary

Showing posts with label Teacher's Diary. Show all posts

"Mungkin aku yang salah..."

Hari ini aku cuma mahu curhat. Tiada apa apa yang mahu aku kongsikan disini. Hanya curhat akan kewalangan hatiku.

Aku dan Pelajarku

Bukan aku mahu membuat sesi banding membanding, tapi seingat aku dulu, waktu aku seorang pelajar sekolah, aku bertanggungjawab dengan pendidikan aku. Aku akan:

Buat homework
Ambil tahu semua arahan dan perancangan kelas cikgu-cikgu aku
Terima dan buat tindakan apabila aku ditegur
Pasang impian dan objektif hidup aku yang aku sendiri tak pasti tapi aku cuba!
Tak beri alasan apabila aku rasa sukar nak buat sesuatu yang cikgu aku arahkan

tapi, kebanyakan pelajar aku yang umurnya sebaya aku dulu:

Tak buat homework
Tak ambil tahu beberapa arahan dan perancangan kelas aku
Mungkin terima dan hanya beberapa yang buat tindakan apabila ditegur secara peribadi
Aku tak pernah tanyakan lagi apa impian dan objektif hidup meraka jadi I am in no place to judge
Memberi alasan untuk memudahkan urusan mereka sahaja

It's not writer's block. In my case, it's teacher's block.

Lately, I realised, I lose passion to teach. I thought of taking a break for a month or so and start everything all over again. I don't know what is wrong then how do I make improvement. Now that I have quite a plenty of students, I think sometimes I am not being kind towards some of them. They are plenty and I have enough on my plate.

Should I just stop taking new recruit? Yes.
Should I just quit? No.
Then what should I do?
Where do I start?
How to organize my lesson?
What should I teach?
How to manage my class?

I don't know about others. But this is my dilemma currently.

↽❤⇁

Suatu hari di dalam lin selepas pulang mengajar, Hannah tanyakan pada aku dan Ika yang hanyut dengan lagu dari henfon kami.

“Lepas balik nanti, apa korang akan rindu?”, ringkas soalan Hannah.

Aku serta merta menjawab, “Floridina!!”.

Aku tak begitu ingat jawapan si Ika. Tetapi aku takkan lupa jawapan si Hannah yang aku perlekeh.

“Aku?”, Hannah berjeda. “Lin.”, dia ketawa kuat sambil merenung keluar.

Sesekali lin menggoyangkan badan kami akibat bonggolan di jalan dan trafik Banyuwangi yang boleh buat orang KL pun angkat tangan.

‘Tak kot.’, ini komen aku dari dalam hati.

Sekarang, aku menyesal atas apa yang pernah aku katakan lewat bulan Mei tahun 2016 itu.

Hannah, of all things we disagree upon, there’s one thing I must admit. About the lin, you’re right.

Hi.

Its me.

Again.

I think, in the field of friendship and acquantainceship, there is a thin line differing both party.

CONCERN line.

I don't mind much seeing any of my acquaintances blessed with a good opportunity.

They are not much of my concern.

I too don't mind much seeing my best friends blessed with the same opportunity.

But, for them, I concern.

A lot.

Not that I'm not happy for them.

I just feel a bit bitter.

Orang kata, kau akan sedih bila kawan kau gagal.

Tapi kau juga akan sedih bila kawan kau berjaya.

Apa maknanya tu?

Its a bittersweet reality.

Its a brutal bittersweet reality.

;

This is a BM entry. Because I think I can think better in Bahasa now.

So, the entry starts now.

Sebelum tu, baca dulu lirik Through My Window daripada Bunkface ni.

Don't want much, I just want everything

Thought that I could, do almost anything

One step in front of the other

Thought that I could do it alone

In the blink of an eye, it's just another day

Telling me why, I'll find another way

Got this feeling, got me reeling

I can almost start believing

Now there's me and you

And we are not alone

You and me

We are together now

Through my window, I can see there's

More than you and more than me

Me and you

And we are not alone

Different view

We are together now

Through my window, I can see

Our wildest dreams could be so real

I see a spark, it starts a fire

Thought that I could do it without you

Can't exist like this anymore

Lagu Bunkface ni dah bertahun dah saya tak dengar. Tak ingat langsung ada lagu yang liriknya indah macam ni. Ok lah. Saya sebenarnya belum boleh move on lagi daripada peristiwa kena tinggalkan Indonesia, atau lebih tepat lagi Banyuwangi.

Saya nak cerita sikit. Saya pun tak pasti kenapa tajuk entri saya ni Through My Window. Cuma, tiba-tiba saya teringat tempat duduk saya kat SMAGI selama 2 bulan saya magang kat sana. Tempat saya tu saya bet tempat orang, tapi oleh sebab kami bertiga tak ada tempat nak duduk (actually, Hannah ada tempat nak duduk yang dekat dengan Guru Pamong dia, tapi dia yang nak menyempit dengan kitorang) , Kepala Sekolah suruh kami duduk situ.

Saya mula hari-hari saya setiap pagi daripada tingkap tempat duduk saya. Depan tingkap tu ada kolam ikan. Ikan yang akan ikut mana kita pergi bila dia perasan ada manusia yang tengah tengok dia. Kalau saya bosan saya pergi kolam tu, saja nak menyakat ikan. Acah-acah dia nak bagi makan.

Lepastu, daripada tingkap tu saya akan nampak murid-murid SMAGI mula datang sekolah. Hari Isnin dengan Selasa baju putih abu-abu. Hari rabu dengan Khamis baju batik Kuning atau Hijau. Hari Jumaat dengan Sabtu baju seragam Pramuka (Pengakap/ scouts). Ada yang pakai tudung, ada yang free hair. Ada rambut panjang, pendek, botak. Macam-macam. Saya nampak juga Bapak Guru dengan Ibu Guru lalu lalang depan saya nak kejar jam pertama mengajar, jam 6.15 am. Apa lagi?

Ah, tukang kebun. Tukang kebun tu seorang je. Lelaki. Hari-hari saya nampak. Kadang-kadang tu tegur, kadang-kadang lalu buat tak tahu. Pertama kali saya jumpa dia kat Kem Pramuka Gred X kat satu daerah nama Licin. Kawasan yang sejuk sangat waktu malam ke pagi (subuh) tapi panas terik mula jam 9 sampai pukul 2 atau 3 petang. Pakcik tu mula tegur kitorang bertiga lepas berkenalan kat Licin. Nanti lain entri saya cerita pasal Licin pula.

Sebenarnya, saya baru perasan. Setelah balik semula ke tanah tumpah darahku di negeri Harimau Selatan ni, baru saya tahu, saya rindukan view daripada tingkap ni. Ya, through this window, I see life. Life of many people. Daripada permulaan hari datang sekolah dan lepastu jam 3 petang lalu lagi untuk tinggalkan sekolah. Ada yang gembira waktu pergi sekolah balik sekolah dah lembik, ada yang sebaliknya, ada juga yang sama je. Sama macam saya. Datang dulu 30 Mac ke SMAGI, fikiran lapang, kosong, tanpa perasaan. Tapi bila 27 Mei datang, saya perasan hati saya dah sarat dengan kenangan. Fikiran saya sarat dengan logik-logik patutkah aku nangis. Boleh ke aku move on?

Semuanya bermula daripada window ni. Window ni sacred bagi saya. Banyak kenangan saya dengan SMAGI sepanjang 2 bulan duduk kat tempat orang. Betullah kata orang, kau tak kenal kau tak cinta. Bila kau dah duduk lama dekat situ, kau kenal dengan orang-orangnya, kau jadi tak sampai hati tinggalkan semua tu. Tak kisahlah orang-orang tu menghargai kau sama macam kau hargai diorang. Tak kisah.

Ya, memang aku tak boleh move on.
Dan aku tak akan pernah boleh move on.

Bismillah. Assalamualaikum.
Hi. This is a story on how I ended up in Banyuwangi.

Originally, everyone will go on conventional teaching practical in Penang. That was how it usually conducted for decades. However, several years back Prof Kabilan from PPIP (School of Educational Studies) made a different programme by sending his students outside Penang - outside Malaysia! Previously, my seniors had went to Maldives. Then, the program stopped due to some reasons which is not necessarily stated. So, for my batch he decided to give International Teaching Practical (ITP) a second chance.

At the beginning, I hesitated to join. But after having put into deep thinking and series of adult consultations with my parents, I took a big decision to join ITP. So, together with another 11 participants from TESOL major students, I made preparations to teach overseas. Guess where?

THIS IS INDONESIA

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Leaving behind families and friends in Malaysia can sometime be a little too hard to do. Not to mention, I will live in a place different than my home. Even Indonesia has same weather as Malaysia, still the people speak different language(s), food will be different, the environment and foremost important - The School. However, when I look at my friends' face, I know this will be a great moment in my life. Friends make you stronger, holding you through thick and thin, help you cross thunder and storm in this bloody teaching practical field and of course they are always present when you need them the most. Why? Because, they feel the same way as I do even they didn't literally said it.

ANTICIPATING NEW ADVENTURE

I guess they too felt nervous, looking forward about Indonesia, anticipating new experiences, worried about people's expectation, worried about performances, sad about leaving behind previous school and many more. But knowing ourselves, we usually take even the most negative matter in a positive way. Having that mentality made us survive this adventurous 7 semesters. Kudos to Allah.

PREPARATIONS

Even weeks before flying, we had worked for every documents needed. Thanks to Ain (our leader) especially for had she not ready to help settling every needs for ITP, THESE won't happen this smooth. Not only that, every 12 of us had their own contribution as well to make ITP successful (at least until our departure to Banyuwangi ).

Had passport and ticket from Surabaya to Banyuwangi ready. Taking a bus would be a little bit unpractical as we carry at least 15 kg luggage and traffic is not very convincing. Everyone were very tired since the day before (28 March) as some of us took flight from Penang to KLIA2. I myself drove all the way from Johor with my family. Therefore, I'm so glad we planned to take flight from Surabaya to Banyuwangi. At least, we could sleep in the plane.

Not much to bring. I just packed my stuff the night before flying the next dawn. Not exceed 20 kg.

ADVENTURE BEGIN

Waiting to check in to Banyuwangi from Juanda airport. To get in the plane to Banyuwangi, they prepared a bus. In Garuda plane, you will receive a box containing chicken floss roll cake, a bun and Aqua mineral water. Marvelous! For this, I have to praise.

Just check in to Banyuwangi. What's wrong with having a picture together right? Joining 12 of us are TESOL lecturers from USM including new dean in the middle wearing a songkok! We purposely choose this spot to include the huge transparent picture behind on the glass wall. Its a picture of Indonesian Military Army. So, metaphorically it means new spirit to achieve a level higher from our present performances as a teacher to be. But I believe the picture had different interpretation depending on individual. As for me, it marks a starting point of becoming a greater person which on her lies a responsibility to glory name of her country in a foreign land, to learn from the Indonesian and to give as much as she can to this nation. I remember seeing a quote during a program I joined last October in Korea; Education knows no colour. I admit, my patriotism spirit rises as I stare at the soldier.

Touch down Blimbing Sari airport, the smallest airport I've ever seen yet still working efficiently. From the sky, I could see carpets of paddy field engulfing this flourishing land of Indonesian people. Its magnificent! Still waiting for luggage collection and for the time being adapting to a very hot weather. Actually the degree of hotness is almost equal to Malaysia especially in Penang however maybe due to high humidity level, we sweat a lot. Hihi. But the breeze is very strong drying up sweats faster. Shu Qi photoboom at my back.

Trying out Indonesian cuisine for the first time at lunch hour. This is taken at Bu Daneng restaurant and it cost me IDR 27,000. Quite expensive however Air Jeruk is unbeatable to my taste so I just gave expensive issue out of my concern. Hihi.

Air Jeruk with no ice yet its cold enough to freshen my dry throat. I guess the lady put in milk in my drink because it taste different yet so invigorating.

So, that's it for now, To be continued.

Assalam.

Hari Isnin ni, pada 1 Februari saya akan mula latihan mengajar.

Ramai kawan-kawan satu batch kat PPIP USM mula rasa nervous la, takut la. Sebenarnya saya pun apa kurangnya. Saya pun takut!

NO EXPERIENCE

Tak pernah lagi selama ni saya ada pengalaman mengajar depan murid sekolah. Kalau micro teaching dalam bilik tutorial dengan kawan-kawan tu selalulah.

Sikit gambar nak kongsi dengan pembaca kawan-kawan saya kat PPIP USM. Diorang semua ni major TESOL minor multimedia interaktif macam saya. Grup atas ni, orang panggil, Macaroons. Sebab semuanya comel-comel.

Tak apa, pengalaman kena cari. Pengalaman tak datang dengan sendiri.

PERSEDIAAN

Oleh sebab nak mula hidup dalam persekitaran baru, maka saya pun perlu siapkan diri untuk hidup dalam persekitaran baru itu. Betul tak? Logik kan? Jadi, perkara pertama saya buat dengan kawan-kawan ialah :

Lawat Sekolah

Macam yang awak boleh baca, inilah dia sekolah yang akan saya mulakan hidup baru saya nanti. Sekolah ni lebih kurang 5 minit je dari USM kalau lalu pintu Bukit Gambir. Satu jalan nak ke Green Lane. Nama sekolah: SMK Datuk Hj. Mohd Nor Ahmad.

Sebenarnya sampai saat ni pun, saya masih belum hafal sepenuhnya nama sekolah ni. Tapi, in shaa Allah akan hafal Isnin ni. Dengan lagu sekolah sekali saya hafal!

Buku Rancangan Pengajaran

Gambar ini diambil berhadapan taman di Pusat Pengajian kami. PPIP. Oh, cepat masa berlalu. Kami dah mula pakai handbag!

Inilah bukunya. RM 25. Apalah yang saya nak tulis dalam buku ni nanti ya?

Tanda Nama

Saya tak pernah ada nama yang rasmi macam ni. Sebab dulu zaman sekolah pakai yang lekat kat baju, lepas tu zaman matrik pakai kad matrik, zaman uni, tak pernah pakai!

Inspirasi

Ini senior saya yang baru grad November tahun lepas. Tahniah pada anak saudara saya yang lebih tua daripada saya atas graduasinya! Ada lagi beberapa senior yang saya tak dapat pun gambarnya. Penat posing. Salah satu cara nak cari inspirasi ialah dengan tengok senior-senior kita grad. Tapi, bagi saya cara ni tak begitu kuat untuk buat saya betul-betul teruja nak buat yang terbaik waktu Latihan Mengajar (LM).

Jadi, apa saya buat?

Saya ikut kata mak saya!

Tengok MOVIE!

Di bawah ni ialah beberapa movie yang pernah saya tengok dan memang memberi inspirasi pada saya untuk jadi guru yang berjaya sentuh HATI pelajarnya.